| life |
[ Wed, 11/21/07 @ 7:28pm] |
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life is brutal, its a royal pain in the ass and it's especailly hard to live it when nothing is going your way and your forced to live in a very unfortunate sistuation. It's brutal when people can't trust or let what you have done in the past go. and no matter how hard you try to prove to everyone especailly your family that your not what you use to be and are literally tearing yourself to shreids to make them see it. it's a bitch when what you want more than anything is to be your own person live the life thats makes you happy won't satisphy the people that support you and you rely on them for a roof over your head money everything. you have to hold back so much hold back who you really are and do whatever they want you to do. even if they are really fucking wrong and even if they think forcing you to do what they think will help will completly fuck you over and you try to explain to then and all you get in return is fuck you! this is how is has to be so shut the fuck up!one of the hardest things about life is picking yourself up when you have beaten and tour into a million peices and sewing yourself back together. mending the pain that keeps coming moving on when you feel like suicide is the only way to make you at peace. and when is comes to drugs and drinking you like it you love it its what makes you complete. but sudenly you can't do it anymore you cant because you will get fucked over and it will no body's fault but your. its hard to have the courage to say no when oppertunities are thrown in your face. but the the hardest thing of all is forgiving and throwing all the shit away blocking it out of your mind forever and starting fresh only looking back on your past to remind you of your mistakes and you look back and it reminds you never to make those mistakes again because it fucking not worth the trouble or the pain.
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| trust |
[ Tue, 09/04/07 @ 7:30pm] |
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Don't you hate when you trust to much. then get stabbed in the fucking back. i hate trust just like i hate people that break it. why do i feel like everyones twisted out to trick me lie to me make me believe things that will never happen or never exsisted in the first place. I want to trust but how can I. how can I trust when everytime i trust someone a little bit it gets broken. you know what I take broken trust as, i take as a fuck you to me i take it as i don't care i don't mind hurting you. i hate lies i'd whether be told the truth then a lie b/c you know what i'll eventually find out the truth people always do. and i'd rather be less hurt than most hurt or sometimes thankful for the truth even though it's cold. I hate fear thats drives you to lies. just face it, face the person that your honest with being a little hurt. just think about how much more upset they'll be when they find out whats really going on later. lies r trash so everyone that lies is trash. i'm done rambling
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[ Mon, 09/03/07 @ 9:32pm] |
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I hate pain, I hate hurting. I hate what it does to me how makes me feel. how I try everything in my power to make it leave, but no matter what I do it doesn't leave it just gets worse. how I lash out on people and hurt them and give them my pains. I fucking hate it, I hate how it's hard to function normally or how it makes it a painful process to simply get out of bed and go to class in the morning. I hate the fact that it gets so intense I have to self-destruct to ease it and then wait for it to haunt me again. i hate blades and medication, I hate alcohol and illegal drugs and i really wish i didn't feel the need to use them. then yeah maybe my life would be different maybe it wouldn't be so fucked up maybe i wouldn't feel the way i do now. maybe my family wouldn't be so disappointed in me. but i can't b/c it simply won't stop. you know what i'm sick of hurting i'm sick f\of pain and i really wish it would just leave i really wish people would stop giving me a reason to hurt stop making me feel like I can never be succeful because all i'll do is fuck it up. I'v given up and so has everyone else. i'm sick of false hope that will never come.
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[ Sun, 01/07/07 @ 2:32pm] |
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life has been great lately. I just back from south africa it was amazing.It was worth the 18 hour flight. I love being 18 and the fact that my parents are trusting me more. i'm not in trouble anymore and i'm so much happier.
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[ Fri, 11/03/06 @ 11:25am] |
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Well fuck life its shitty right. I'm under house arrest but hopefully it won't last much longer. i hate being a fuck up its sucks dick. bye
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[ Thu, 11/02/06 @ 4:41pm] |
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well my life's fucked up right now. i'm underhouse arrest and it sucks. i miss having freedom, i miss being able to do whatever the fuck i want. i just want my fucking life back. i hate fucking up
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[ Sat, 10/21/06 @ 6:30pm] |
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I got slapped in the dace with reality.ouch
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[ Fri, 10/06/06 @ 7:59pm] |
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I've lost 20 pounds since jr. year. I feel week. i use to be heavy but it seems like. i just keep loosing more and morewieght as i get older. my teacher asked me today if i was anerexic wtf is that shit. but the thing is i don't want to eat, the sound of food makes me feel fat. i don't care if poeple think i'm 2 thin food when I eat i just feel fucking fat. o god whats wrong with me.
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[ Thu, 09/21/06 @ 1:22pm] |
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I love life right now. I love not being in trouble and being able to do whatever I want. I how my parents dont quetion who I hang out with anymore. I love how can get drunk and not get caught.I finally figured out how to play it cool with my parents when I'm drunk. I come home drunk all the time and they never know i fucking love it. I love how I get high and my parents just think i'm tired. i love my boy and my job is amazing come visit me at tcby. I love life thats all i have to say. its fianly good for once
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[ Thu, 09/14/06 @ 3:06pm] |
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God, I can't tell you how fucking tired I am of school. I just dont give a shit anymore. I can't wait to be done with high school,I'm so ready for college. I'm ready for life, to get out of my house, I'm ready to be free and make my own dicions. I know I'll do well. o yeah me and cody got in fight and broke up, but its for the better. I can't wait for college. I'm sick of shitty high school drama, over stupid shit like. OMG! so and so had sex with so and so, she is such a slut. or shit like don't hang out with that person she/he does cocaine. i dont get why people get worked up over shit like that. it;s really not that important what people do with their lives is up to them and just because they have some bad habbits doesn't mean thier a bad person. o yeah i turn 18 in 3 months and my curfew will be pushed to 2 i can;t wait for that day to come
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[ Mon, 07/31/06 @ 9:53pm] |
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i dont understand life. i dont understand my fucked up family. i dont understand me or why i'm the target for everything that goes wrong. i don't understand pain and why i feel it 24/7. i dont understand why thingss are the way they are. i dont understand why the world is full of hate. i dont understand why my parents are fucking sico, they use to not be. i dont understand drugs and why people feel the need to be doing. although i shouldnt be talking. i dont understand anger,sadness, depression,axiety and why those feelings have to be a part of our lives. i dont understand school and why we have to take all these extra classes, when they have nothing to do with what we plan on doing in the future. i dont understand why poeple care what other poeple think. i dont understand why poeple feel the need to to kill themselves or other poeple. i dont understand anit depresants and how they help solve anything. thre basically a waste of money. i dont undestand why animals can't talk, because i would love it if i could talk to my dog. i don't understand why i keep typing i should prob stop because now im just typing just to type.
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[ Tue, 07/18/06 @ 5:19pm] |
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thanks for the update launren! so alot has been going on i meet this new boy and i like him alot and he likes me alot.and i think we might date
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[ Tue, 07/18/06 @ 12:14am] |
kristen was in hawaii for a month but unfortunately she came home a little too silly a few nights and got her phone and keys taken away. so reach her on aim-- awesomegirlforeve
♥Lauren
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[ Fri, 05/26/06 @ 2:47am] |
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i've lost 13 pounds even though i really didnt need to. i feel sick all the time. i feel like my life is wasteing away.i feel like i have lost control of my life and will never have control again... i feel like nothing will change and that i am just going to waste away into a no body.. whatever i guess this is the way my life was planned
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[ Wed, 05/03/06 @ 11:45am] |
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i dont whats wrong with me i've been feeling soo down lately i just dont know
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[ Sun, 04/09/06 @ 2:37am] |
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i should prob sleep but, then again i never sleep so thats never going to happen
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[ Fri, 03/31/06 @ 4:23am] |
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i see light and i havent slept Goodmorning everyone
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[ Thu, 03/30/06 @ 11:48pm] |
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i think i might see the sunrise bleh!
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[ Tue, 03/21/06 @ 10:08pm] |
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i've decided something. i dont care if u think i'm a bitch. i'm going to tell the truth no matter what and i don't give a shit what anyone thinks anymore.
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[ Tue, 02/21/06 @ 12:00pm] |
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I love him and he loves me :)
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